20SB Prompt: My Theme Song

I have said for years that my theme song is Bitch by Meredith Brooks- in fact, I'm pretty sure I've already shared it on this blog before (but am too drained to go search for it right now).  

Most people here that and start laughing based on the title, thinking I'm just being sarcastic.  But I'm not, it's legitimately one of my favorite songs in the world and the one that I feel best describes me. 

If you pay attention to the lyrics (read them here), you see pretty quickly that it's about...a woman.  A woman who is both good and bad, both happy and sad, and generally swings back and forth between the many different areas and moods in life.  And let's face it, that's pretty freakin' spot on for me.

I'm a little bit of everything/All rolled into one

I am a very emotional person.  I've been holding things in a lot more the past few years, but that doesn't mean that I'm not still running the gamut on the inside.  This song is about just accepting that yes- sometimes I am one thing and sometimes I am the opposite.  Does that make me difficult to deal with sometimes?  Yes.

 So take me as I am/This may mean/You'll have to be a stronger man

But, it's who I am.  And after seeing what it's like for people who shut down or avoid emotions...I'm happy with being the way I am. 

You know I wouldn't want it any other way

 And it's also about finding someone who lives with and even appreciates you for exactly who you are.

Just when you think, you got me figured out/The season's already changing/I think it's cool, you do what you do/And don't try to save me

Which I think is what we are all hoping for, and should all strive to do with our partners.

Savation Sunday: James 1:17

The first time I saw this picture, it really resonated with me.  So many times we forget exactly how amazing our lives are.  At least, people within my socioeconomic status.  I'm not the most well off, and I have definitely spent a good portion of my life living "pay check to pay check."  But...I have not went without.

If I was eating Ramen for lunch every day- it was lunch.  If I was suffering through a cold in bed- I had a bed to do so and a loving dog to cuddle with, even if I didn't have insurance to go to the doctor or money to pay for prescriptions.

You see what I mean.  Really, the majority of us are more blessed that we realize...mainly because we compare our situations to people we consider above our current social/financial/etc status.  Instead, we should be grateful for what we do have.  So today I am taking a moment to say "Thank you, Lord." 

• Thank you for the bargain bin at Barnes & Noble.  Seriously.  Five books for less than $25- that is a huge blessing in my world!
• Thank you for the wonderful in-laws who sent me the B&N gift card allowing to get those books...and also for the Caramel Ribbon Crunch cappuccino (I highly recommend this btw) I spent the remainder of the card on.
• Thank you for the many wonderful people who have made me feel loved and appreciated over this last week.
• Thank you for my somewhat soft and pudgy body.  I realize this may seem odd, since that is not considered the ideal (at least not in my culture).  But...I kind of like it.  I know I need to take good care of my body, and I'd like to tone up the pudge at some point.  But...there was a period in my life where I couldn't keep weight on, much less add any.  It was a sick skinny, not a healthy or pretty skinny.   So while I may have overcompensated for that time in my life, I still appreciate what my fluffy belly says- which is that I have overcome that troubling time in my life.  That I am well fed and at peace.
• Thank you for my new volunteer position at church, and the fact that week two was already much more comfortable than week one.  
• Thank you for Netflix, and the fact that they have Dr. Who streaming.  I've decided to jump on the bandwagon- must find another fandom to enjoy!
• Thank you for my husband, and the pretty jewelry he bought me recently.  Not just because they are pretty, but because they show that he pays attention to my interests/likes and cares enough to surprise me. 

Shopping

That has been the one thing that has me super excited in the midst of all this craziness.  Probably dumb, but I feel like I need to up my wardrobe now that I have an "adult" job.  Also...who doesn't like new clothes?

So I made a deal with the husband.  I had a fair bit of vacation hours built up at my current position so I cashed them out and used them to go shopping for new work clothes!  The dress is business casual- which is so flaky, really.  He is aware of my current position and says that it's probably very similar.  But, most of my clothes (especially bottoms) are getting pretty worn after a while.  Especially since working in retail my clothes need to be super functional as well (seriously, I have used every single pocket on sets of cargo pants and that's just not good).

Also, I am SO sick of khakis.  I had to wear them for high school, my first job, and now they're a big staple of my current wardrobe.  So, I'm a little sick of them and would like to move over to the slightly more business-y side of business casual.  The good thing is, apparently my sense of style is getting better!  I have a friend who actually cares and is good at that kind of thing, and she has approved the past few outfits I've sent her (both business & casual).

Something else I am going to do?  Get things hemmed!  I thought getting things hemmed was super expensive and annoying...but it's not.  It's actually really affordable and makes things so much easier for shorties.  Like...me.
The only thing I'm slightly worried about is my tattoos, because...I always worry about my tattoos.  Haha.  I am pretty sure that one of them was at least partly visible during my interview, so hopefully it's not a big deal.  I can wear pants or boots to cover them up if necessary, but it would be great if I didn't have to.  I'm debating on asking about it when I check in with the office this week, but part of me thinks I should just dress well and if it comes up then it comes up.  I realize the restrictions are getting more relaxed in many fields, but not all of them, and this is a private business so they can really make whatever rules they want.  And I'm okay with that- it's their prerogative and I respect that.

Tired

That's really what I've been feeling lately.  It figures that my last two weeks at my current job involve the most amount of hours I've had since switching positions.  The hours have been a bit crazy, as we've had a bit of a "project" going on the last four days I've worked.

And this project exemplifies why I want to leave this particular store.  Mainly, we redid an entire department of the store (because it looked like crap).  The management and LP have yet to say that we did a good job, even though it is literally about 20 times better than it was before.  It's all "Well make sure this gets done," "What about that," "Now we have to maintain this."  Which I get- there was a lot of stuff that needed to be done and yes it's important to maintain the good status we achieved.  HOWEVER- it is not motivating to work your ass off, coming in at 5 am in the morning, and not be told "Wow great job!"  Maybe I'm used to a kindergarten level of support, I don't know.  I just feel like this management team is so weird.  One day you're they're favorite employee and the next you aren't worth anything.  Also, no one can agree on anything.  Seriously.  It's annoying. 

BUT- I'm almost out of there.  I'm a bit nervous about starting this new position, but also very much looking forward to it!  I feel like it's going to be a great turning point in my life and it has so much possibility.

Things are kind of at a standstill with the house also, which is the other thing consuming my every waking minute.  We are in underwriting, which from what I can tell is the last step before approval.  It seems like every day they have needed a new piece of information...but not today!  So hopefully that means we are close *prayers*  It's a bit frustrating because we are literally living day to day in our current rental, so we are daily loosing money.  Plus...we JUST WANT IN OUR HOUSE!  Haha.  It's been weeks since we started this process and everyone is just waiting on us/our paperwork.  We have so many plans and right now we are literally waiting for a phone call so we can throw things in the cars and move.  ANY DAY NOW.  That kind of limbo is a bit frustrating, but I'm sure it will be worth it in the end (although I do seriously hope that the end is soon :-p).

But yeah.  That's basically my life in a nutshell, and I haven't wanted to whine and whine and whine so I've been avoiding blogging because this repetition is lame to ME, and it's MY life, so I don't figure you guys want to read about it either haha.

I got a job!

And not just any job, but a job I am actually SUPER excited about.  It's the one I posted about last, a receptionist position at a doctor's office.  Both my pay and hours will increase (to the point where my weekly income will most likely more than double).  Plus it will give me weekends and holidays off, with health benefits after 90 days.

On top of the financial/extrinsic benefits...it just seems like a great office.  I've met with the main physician and spoken with the office manager several times and overall I just feel like it's going to be an awesome environment to work in.  I've been praying for months, my family has been praying for me, and I really feel that this job was just what the Lord wants for me.

In fact, the day I received the job offer I had gotten off work and called my mom to complain about how disheartening my current position has been!  I seriously wanted to put in my two weeks notice that day, without having any prospects.  I was just reaching the end of my rope.  I told her that I did have faith that He was working on something for me, that I felt like it was right around the corner, but I just didn't know how much longer I could hold out.  It was such a blessing and relief when I got the call!

They're allowing me to finish out two weeks at my current job before starting.  I am really anxious to get started in this new position, but...I didn't want to just up and leave.  I mean, I want to but it wouldn't be right.  And as my mom said, "No use in burning bridges you may have to cross again later."  This company will still be on my resume and may be responsible for future references, etc, and if I want them to have good things to say about me then I need to do good things myself!  But I gave my notice last week so just a little bit longer! 


SO HAPPY!

Interviews & Home Loans & Other Stuff

Sorry readers, this week has seemed to be pretty busy/stressful/tiring (since I've literally been falling asleep by 8/9 pm).  Anyway.

Last week, we helped someone from hubby's work move and while we there I had two phone interviews.  I'm not sure when the phone interview before the in person interview became a thing, but apparently it did.  One of those lead to an in-person interview Sunday (yes, weird to interview on a Sunday, especially considering it's a Christian-based organization...but maybe that's the only day we all had free?).  I feel like it went well- it was about 45 minutes long which is the longest interview I've had so far.  They are very particular about who they want hired and in no rush to just cram a body in the position, so it's pretty awesome that I even made it this far in the process.  Now we sit and wait some more.  It seems like a really good environment and I think I would enjoy it, so I'm hoping.  Nothing has come of the other phone call yet, but today I was contacted about another position and have an interview for tomorrow!  It's still a retail position, so that kinda sucks, but it's FT and actually was recommended by a previous supervisor who left the company I'm currently with that I really enjoyed working with.  So still a step up on two different accounts from where I am now.

Just a side note- why does everyone call when you are napping?  Seriously, people won't call me for days, but I try to take a nap with the hubby (I have been SO TIRED lately) and the phone is blowing up.  I am not at my best when I've just woken up.

I say this because someone from the bank with our home loan also called.  She thought there was one more W2 we forgot to submit, because they were showing that hubs began his current job last year instead of this year.  We've already been through this with someone else (the broker we normally deal with, this woman was our processing agent, whatever the difference is) so it's frustrating to know they've been waiting on a form that doesn't exist.  Mainly because the sellers have already signed a bunch of paperwork and are ready to close whenever...and we want in our new house!

What's Your Word?

Some people have a word that defines their life.  I first heard of this theory in the book Eat, Pray, Love where someone proposes the idea that every both every city and every person have a specific word that centers their life.

At first I thought it was a nice enough idea, but didn't really go too in-depth with it.  But then I started seeing it firsthand.  See, that guy I'm always talking about, my husband?  He has a word.

His word is honor.  Every decision, every life choice, every day he is trying to live honorably.  For his family, for his country, for himself, for me, for Jesus...he strives to be honorable in all he does.  To live an honorable life is his highest goal.  Maybe he doesn't spell it out, maybe he doesn't even realize it himself, but from talking to him, living with him, listening to him...I see it.  Honor is a re-occuring theme in his life, touching every aspect of his existence.

Me?  I have no idea what my word is.  I asked the honorable man, and he suggested loyalty.  I like that, and I wish it was my word, but I'm pretty sure he's one of the only people on the planet who would apply it to me (mainly because he's one of the only honorable people left who I feel actually deserves loyalty).

I think I would like my word to be endure.  Something that says I will remain standing, remain who I am, despite the chaos of this world around me. 

I'm not sure that I can actually claim that as my current word.  But maybe the fact that I am striving towards it is enough...at least for now...